It has been a rough couple of months on a particular deal I am working on. I am typing this at half past midnight as I wait to board a plane because I changed my flight three times today while I tried to make it out of town to Taipei for a long weekend vacation. And, oh yeah, hello Typhoon Rasmussen, the dark and broody devil, just holding up everything at the airport in its moody wake. And I am dreading to open my inbox on a Saturday to see what new torture mechanisms the corporate law life have conjured up overnight to challenge me.
Has it come to this? How has it come to this?
The most frustrating, agonizing, horrible part is how helpless I feel when my every decision is dictated by someone who gives not a whit about me, my well being or my needs. Not only is it a terrible blow to be told you have to cancel dinner, skip the movies, not partake in drinks, or cancel your entire weekend plans or vacation, but the really awful part of the cancellation is the friends and significant others and family members who you end up disappointing or upsetting as a result of having to cancel or postpone or not do things until the absolute last minute because you just don't know what will possibly happen.
The guilt, oh the guilt.
Oh and of course you are frantically trying to appease everyone while getting over your despondence over having to miss the latest party yet again or kissing your carefully anticipated vacation goodbye while you continue to desperately review a chart and revise a document while answering the phone and responding to email, preferably simultaneously but more likely just in quick and ceaseless succession. And oh, there is your email just flooding in at a nice torrential pace, piling up and lurking at you with a lovely smirk as your panic rises.
It sucks.
I know how miserable many corporate lawyers are, I know how crappy this lifestyle is supposed to be. I know that a lot of people cannot fathom the complete lack of control or autonomy that one has in this position.
I usually can ignore it (because it isn't always so bad) or accept it (because Iwant need a paycheck, because I don't know what else I want to do, because I am risk averse, because I am terrified, the litany goes on) or occasionally, I can like it and justify this lifestyle.
But right now I am really feeling the burn. We are up to two cancelled vacations and two truncated vacations and countless sleepless nights and certainly way too many near-all nighters.
This is deal fatigue.
Has it come to this? How has it come to this?
The most frustrating, agonizing, horrible part is how helpless I feel when my every decision is dictated by someone who gives not a whit about me, my well being or my needs. Not only is it a terrible blow to be told you have to cancel dinner, skip the movies, not partake in drinks, or cancel your entire weekend plans or vacation, but the really awful part of the cancellation is the friends and significant others and family members who you end up disappointing or upsetting as a result of having to cancel or postpone or not do things until the absolute last minute because you just don't know what will possibly happen.
The guilt, oh the guilt.
Oh and of course you are frantically trying to appease everyone while getting over your despondence over having to miss the latest party yet again or kissing your carefully anticipated vacation goodbye while you continue to desperately review a chart and revise a document while answering the phone and responding to email, preferably simultaneously but more likely just in quick and ceaseless succession. And oh, there is your email just flooding in at a nice torrential pace, piling up and lurking at you with a lovely smirk as your panic rises.
It sucks.
I know how miserable many corporate lawyers are, I know how crappy this lifestyle is supposed to be. I know that a lot of people cannot fathom the complete lack of control or autonomy that one has in this position.
I usually can ignore it (because it isn't always so bad) or accept it (because I
But right now I am really feeling the burn. We are up to two cancelled vacations and two truncated vacations and countless sleepless nights and certainly way too many near-all nighters.
This is deal fatigue.
You are not alone and you have my total and complete sympathy. I wish I could say something to make it better. At least you're still making plans--don't give up on having a life outside the office!
ReplyDelete-P2P (corporate lawyer working in Tokyo)
Thanks P2P. I really was feeling a lot of despair and frustration on Friday night. I think you are right though. The key is never to stop making plans. Once you give up planning anything, then they (it?) will have really won...
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