Reflections on Representation

I barely even knew the Oscars were happening, but the news of Michelle Yeoh winning the Oscar for Best Actress could not go unheeded and uncelebrated, and my own unexpected and emotional response to the news made me realize it also couldn't go uncommented on this platform.  

Like with so many other minor and major milestones for Asians in mainstream film and television that have arisen in the past decade, whether it be a male action lead in "Shang Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings," a female protagonist in "To All the Boys I've Loved Before," a nearly all Asian cast in "Crazy Rich Asians" or Michelle Yeoh being such a kickass female lead who can deliver stunning acceptance speeches for not just the Golden Globe but also the Oscar, I am always surprised by how emotional the news makes me, and then I am always surprised that I am so surprised.  

It is as if so much of the insecurity and microaggressions have been buried and unidentified and it takes a jolt of the reality actually unfolding before I even grasp how much these factors have shaped me and my perception of myself or my abilities.  One of my earliest memories of this is when I went to watch Disney on Ice at the local coliseum, probably when I was in elementary school or just entering middle school, and I remember thinking wistfully that I could never star as the Cinderella or the Belle, because I didn't look like them.  Even then I had already internalized the message that I could only play a supporting part.

I guess events like this raises to the fore all of the insecurities I felt as a young girl growing up as "other" in Queens. It shows me that representation really does matter - and in a visceral, gut-punch way that I didn't even realize.