I have lots to update from the 10 days that have somehow just vanished (poof!) since my last post. It's been a bit of a rollercoaster of feelings around here lately - lots of ups and downs, where on some days it feels like a victory to have merely gotten through 24 hours with everyone alive, and where on some days I marvel at how much we managed to accomplish. I guess it's to be expected during this time.
But I felt compelled to blog tonight because amidst all the periods of sleep deprived covid-19 fueled anxiety and household management stress that has largely cluttered my consciousness recently, this evening I experienced a moment that I wanted to save for my mental archives.
The boys had both gotten vaccinations today and were being very sleepy and docile, like little baby lambs. Both babies smelled so good, so clean and fresh but also so quintessentially baby - slightly powdery; a little bit lotion, a little bit fresh laundry, a little bit milk, a little bit spit-up.
I couldn't resist stroking their heads and murmuring to them as their eyelids grew heavy. I kissed their porcelain smooth cheeks, so plump and cool, and watched as they stopped feeding, their rosebud lips puckering and then slackening. With Al nestled in my arms, one of his little hands clutched around my finger; with Teo's little chest so close to my chest, as his heart beat layered on top of my heart beat - I couldn't help but compare and marvel at when Lola was this size. It's so bittersweet to know that Al and Teo will not fit like this under my chin or in the circle of my arms for much longer.
Holding their slumbering, soft little forms to my chest, while knowing Lola was being tucked in next door, my heart felt so full that I wondered it didn't ache. I felt a sense of contentment so deep and satisfying it was as if my bones had melted and become seeped in liquid.
I read recently that much of what causes us stress or unhappiness can be thrown into two buckets: things that happened in the past that we keep dwelling on despite not being able to change them - and things that we anticipate and fret over despite not knowing what will actually happen. But when we let ourselves stop those ruminations and bask in the moment, therein lies the potential to feel truly content.
Tonight, I was able to just sit in those beautiful, quiet few moments and enjoy. It felt precious.
But I felt compelled to blog tonight because amidst all the periods of sleep deprived covid-19 fueled anxiety and household management stress that has largely cluttered my consciousness recently, this evening I experienced a moment that I wanted to save for my mental archives.
The boys had both gotten vaccinations today and were being very sleepy and docile, like little baby lambs. Both babies smelled so good, so clean and fresh but also so quintessentially baby - slightly powdery; a little bit lotion, a little bit fresh laundry, a little bit milk, a little bit spit-up.
I couldn't resist stroking their heads and murmuring to them as their eyelids grew heavy. I kissed their porcelain smooth cheeks, so plump and cool, and watched as they stopped feeding, their rosebud lips puckering and then slackening. With Al nestled in my arms, one of his little hands clutched around my finger; with Teo's little chest so close to my chest, as his heart beat layered on top of my heart beat - I couldn't help but compare and marvel at when Lola was this size. It's so bittersweet to know that Al and Teo will not fit like this under my chin or in the circle of my arms for much longer.
Holding their slumbering, soft little forms to my chest, while knowing Lola was being tucked in next door, my heart felt so full that I wondered it didn't ache. I felt a sense of contentment so deep and satisfying it was as if my bones had melted and become seeped in liquid.
I read recently that much of what causes us stress or unhappiness can be thrown into two buckets: things that happened in the past that we keep dwelling on despite not being able to change them - and things that we anticipate and fret over despite not knowing what will actually happen. But when we let ourselves stop those ruminations and bask in the moment, therein lies the potential to feel truly content.
Tonight, I was able to just sit in those beautiful, quiet few moments and enjoy. It felt precious.
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