Three Fridays

What a different snapshot the last three Fridays have painted!

On Friday the 13th, Michael and I managed to make it out to dinner with some friends at a gastropub in Tai Hang called Second Draft.  It was a really good time and I was nearly hoarse at the end of it from all the exuberant shouting and laughing that we we were doing. I hadn't returned to work yet, the night was beautiful, Lola was safely asleep in her bed, I had Michael by my side and friends across the table... it was really lovely.

On Friday the 20th, I was in the throes of my personal hell, finishing up a daunting mark up after an intense return to work and missing a highly anticipated dinner with a bunch of friends.  I just remember looking at my clock on my laptop as the time inched closer and closer to 8 pm and realizing that there was no way I was going to make it.  Is there a sadder feeling?

This Friday the 27th, I was content to sit at home and enjoy my evening, happy that I had turned in my mark up by 5pm and was able to hang out with Lola before she went to bed.  She was in rare form, highly excitable and completely not willing to sleep at all.  Apparently she has learned the power of her vocal chords and can really project!

Let's see what the next Friday brings us...

There hasn't been anything exciting going on in our household lately, except that we have spent a shocking amount of money in the span of two days.  We got our air conditioner units professionally cleaned (they smelled like mold and mildew and I was worried simply cleaning the filters wasn't going to be sufficient), I just renewed my gym membership by paying for two years upfront (ouch, suddenly I am very conscious of every day I haven't made it to the gym!), we just started subscribing to an organic vegetable delivery service, I splurged on a beautiful babybjorn high chair in a bright but soft aqua (I am such a sucker for their designs), and Lola just had her echocardiogram done at the hospital (a good amount of which should be covered by insurance, but it's still a shocking amount to pay out of pocket before you get reimbursed).  To top it all off, I somehow managed to spend nearly US$20 today buying four organic apples and a bag of peas for Lola (she liked bananas by day 3, she still was not a fan of carrots by day 3 - let's see what she thinks of apples)!

The very good news is that Lola's ticker is in good condition and her heart murmur hasn't increased in size.  She was so brave in the hospital, lying very still as the technicians stuck the electropads all over her chest and the doctor continually ran images of her heart beating.  The whole procedure took at least 20, maybe more like 30, minutes, and she didn't cry or fuss the entire time.

A Fun Development on the House

So, after Michael and I got married and before we had a baby, there was something else in our lives that took a lot of energy and effort, and ended up being a project approximately half a year in the making - and that was the brownstone in Brooklyn that I document here. 

Recently, we have been alerted to the fact that the city is considering our house, along with a bunch of houses on the street, to be included and redrawn as part of the landmark historical district extension!  It amazes me that the city spent so much time researching and writing up a blurb about our house, and likely did so for each house in the proposed extension.  

We learned some quite fun things from the materials that the city sent us, for example, that ours is one of six brick and brownstone row houses that were developed between 1856 and 1861 in a modest transitional Greek Revival and Italianate style.  They were designed as single-family residences for local merchants and business people as the neighborhood developed from the East River and Atlantic Avenue.  We learned that the iron stoop railings, newels and fence all appear to be original (!!) and that the quoin and rosette motifs carved into the basement facade may have been added in the 1880s.  The building's brick material, relatively spare cornice, and horizontal aesthetic are representative of the Greek Revival, yet other features such as the round-arch basement windows reflect the "new" popularity of the Italianate style in Brooklyn (which begs the question, "new" according to what time frame?). 

According to the blurb, the residential blocks included in this round of the historic district extension contain a "mix of styles and the handsome decorative details applied to relatively modest structures reveal the aspirations of local residents and developers, many of whom had arrived as immigrants pursing the American dream" and "tell the story of how the combined forces of history and commerce drove the urban development of Brooklyn in the 19th century."

This second part really resonated with me, as I find it so fitting that I now own a house in a district that is being celebrated for the development that was brought about in large part by immigrants, when my parents are immigrants who came to America to pursue the American dream.   It's a beautiful testament to America's history of welcome and opportunity - whether it's 1861 or 1981.  (Now if only it could also be a bellwether for America's future...)

Next steps are that there will be a town meeting where owners and agents are invited to hear about the proposed designation and are also given the opportunity (three minutes each) to "present testimony," and then I guess ultimately the Landmarks Preservation Commission makes their decision.  I'm not sure how quickly we will hear the final conclusion, but if we do become landmarked I expect it will be a lot harder for us to make any renovations.

A Lola Update at Nearly Five Months

So today was Monday and it was tough going in to work but I didn't feel as wretched or depressed as I thought I would.  I went for a walk with Lola before heading in to work and I think that helped.  Speaking of - this post is going to be about a much more fun and delightful topic - Lola!

Everything goes in the mouth

Lola has been working on rolling over for a while now, at first turning onto her side and flinging her head back, then pushing her little feet against her crib slats to help propel her forward, then managing to roll over just barely onto her arm (which would remain pinned under her as she would fail to realize its existence) while often but not always falling back before making it all the way over.  Then, suddenly, one day, she figured it out and tucked her arms together and with a determined grunt, made it all the way!  And now, except for certain days when she feels lethargic and seems to have forgotten about rolling, she can do it pretty readily on her own.  However, she still vastly prefers turning on one side over the other.  She has gotten very strong, and can do tummy time for a long time now.

 The latest issue has been that she can roll over in her sleep, and then we hear her wail when she finds herself doing tummy time inadvertently, or when she wants to turn over but can't!  Just this morning we found her sleeping contentedly on her tummy, her little face to the side and her butt sticking up. 

She cracked us up last week when, frustrated because her toy was just out of reach and unable to crawl or pull herself up to it, she grabbed the Skiphop playmat in both of her hands and jerked at it, pulling, so that her toy would roll toward her.  We were amazed - how did she figure that out?!  It was hilarious because she was vocalizing while doing it - likely both frustrated and angry that the toy was so close yet so far.

We have started giving her water (spoon feeding about 15-30 ml, or 1/2 - 1 oz) per day.  She loves it!  She was super intrigued and very excited.
She opens her mouth readily as the spoon nears and rarely thrusts her tongue out.  A very good amount of water actually makes it into her mouth. 
Now she has begun to reach out to grab the spoon and guide it into her mouth, probably because she was frustrated that the water wasn't coming fast enough.  I mean, how funny is this baby!  I love her!

 

Today we started her on her first ever pureed food - mashed banana.  All the signs indicate she is eager and curious to try food, so we figure this is about the right time to start.  There are so many fruits and vegetables with so many flavors and textures - and she has never had any of them!  Her first reaction to banana was decidedly mixed - she looked at our expectant faces and seemed unsure what all of the excitement was about.  It was one of those hilarious instances where she was uncertain about what she experiencing and openly looking at our expressions for a clue as to how to react.  At least she didn't cry!


Lola has also been grabbing her feet (or, mostly, her right foot).  She has figured out that they belong to her and she can reach down and grab them at any time.  The foot has been slowly and steadily making its way up toward her mouth, and we're expecting that she'll be sucking on her toes any moment now.

 

So close!

 Lola also loves scratching the fabrics of anything that she can grasp, in particular the mesh netting on her bath station, the arm of her rocking chair, and the fabric on her playmat.  We joke she is like a little kitty cat.

Lola also continues to love music - all music.  She seems to particularly like Beyonce and Mariah, though we have danced to Usher a few times.  She calms a lot when we play lullabies before she sleeps.  The Baby Einstein take-along musical toy and music and light guitar never fail to keep Lola's interest.

And finally, nothing has made her more excited lately than getting to venture outside.  As soon as she is in her stroller her legs go crazy kicking with excitement.  Lately, likely because the world has become a ceaselessly fascinating place that she can't stop observing in order to take naps, the stroller walks have been the most surefire way to lull her into sleep.

It's incredible to believe, but she is just a week shy of 5 months.  When I think of it like that, I can't believe Lola has been in our lives for nearly half a year - and simultaneously, I can't believe she hasn't been with us for years.

TGIF

I last wrote this on Friday morning and didn't have time to post it.  I can't say the situation has gotten much better as I have work to do on a Sunday (I can't even...), but here it is in its original emotional glory:

***

I don't think I've ever been so grateful for a Friday in my life - or, well, at least in a long, long time.

I see no reason to sugarcoat it - my return to work has been terrible!!!

Granted, I've only gone back two days.  Granted, I don't know that many new moms who would say that their initial return to the office was a smashing and fun time.  Granted, it started off really well.  I was greeted by smiles and everyone in the office said hello and asked after me.  Many of the secretaries felt the need to reassure me that I looked unchanged (which is not really true). I felt really special and complimented.  My office (a big bright space that is really quite nice) looked just the same.

But then a lot of people asked me why I was back so soon - why didn't I take 6 months?  (It's very common to do that - tack on all of your extra vacation days to the end of your leave).  And I know they meant well but the terrible part of it is, by the time I started my third hour of work I too asked myself the same question.  (The reason was because we were thinking of taking a trip back to the U.S. in July - but as we are already getting close to May, realistically this kind of trip just doesn't seem possible, especially as we have nothing planned yet and it is also so soon after I've just returned from leave, so I feel like I basically squandered the extra time I had).  The refrain "I have made a terrible mistake" kept echoing in my head.

Just as I settled in for my first pumping session, I got a call from a partner en route to New York who was delighted that I was back and could help turn an entire agreement by Thursday/Friday evening.  My heart plummeted and I tried not to panic as I frantically scribbled notes while my pump whirred away. Sitting in the freezing cold conference room half naked, surrounded by tons of litigation binders, I felt like crying.  Why didn't I take my extra vacation days during the only period of time in my working life when I was guaranteed to be left alone?   I can't stop beating myself up about it and it my thoughts about this have taken on a slightly obsessive spiral.

My thinking is along these lines: things with Lola have finally hit a sweet spot - unlike the first 2 months (the first month in particular) where every day felt like a daunting march of hours and tasks that I just had to get through to ensure survival - it feels like we finally have a routine (or the strong resemblance of one) and can relax a bit.  And then I had to go and wreck my precious delicate balance just as the going got good.  Lola is also so freaking cute right now (although I know she will be cute to me at every stage), with a new trick nearly every day.

Rationally I know that I had to go back to work and that this reckoning was going to come at some time.  But emotionally I can't help but dwell on the additional time for relaxation that I could have had.

***
Back to present day: it's too late to change course and I guess the adjustment period was going to be rough no matter what.  Now I just have to adjust my mental state so that I am not constantly thinking about how "I could have been napping/hanging out with Lola/playing with Lola/doing pretty much anything else right now" because that is going to drive me crazy. 

Return to Work

Well, tomorrow is my first day of work in 2018.  My maternity leave has officially come to an end.  Parts of it felt like it crawled by, and parts of it felt like it flew.  Work seems like a far-away concept, and yet I can still picture everything and everyone in the office as though I had only been gone for a few weeks.

To say that I am feeling anxious would be putting it lightly.  I am anxious! terrified! full of trepidation! worried! and perhaps just a little bit excited.  I chose to go back mid-week in the hopes that my first "week" back, if only 3 days long, would make it all more manageable.

On the one hand, it will be nice to have a new routine, get out of the apartment more consistently, interact with other adults, wear nice clothes, and use my brain.  On the other hand, the amount of things that will require my time and attention seem intimidating.  When work is "on," with a deal or (heavens above, multiple deals) it requires concentration and a kind of single-minded focus that can't be shut off or set aside.  I'm not sure how that's going to work with my giving Lola the attention and care that I want.

Pumping  at work is also giving me a considerable amount of anxiety.  I had briefly toyed with the idea of reducing my pumps this month and weaning Lola off of breast milk because the thought of juggling pumping with work was so intimidating.  But she loves breastmilk so much, and I found myself reluctant to prematurely wean, so here we are.   The plan now is for me to try to keep going as long as I can, and if my supply tanks then at least I'll know I've done the best that I can, for as long as I could.

That's all easier said than done, because I keep thinking about how long my supply will be able to keep up (and thereby further stressing myself out and probably negatively affecting my supply prematurely).   The logistics are a bit daunting, too - trying to schedule conference calls and meetings around pump sessions requires foresight that I'm not sure my work schedule allows.  My office is also full, floor to ceiling glass - essentially a fishbowl - so I have to cart my pump and accessories to and from a separate room each time... 

My brain is a hamster on a wheel running through the same "what if" and worst case scenarios.  Most people I've talked to say that once you go back, it is not as bad as you feared, and that it is manageable.  I'm sure it will be fine, I will get through it, but right now the not knowing seems worse than the actual thing!

A Visit to the Zoo

After we returned from Vietnam, we had one more full day with Michael's parents in Hong Kong.  We chose to take Lola to the zoo!  She loves birds and Michael has wanted to take her to the aviary ever since we realized how much she likes these winged feathered creatures.

 We saw some cranes and flamingos as well as a really funny looking, big beaked, blue feathered bird whose name escapes me now.

 We also wandered around the monkey and meerkat and lemur exhibits.  There was a mother monkey carrying a tiny baby monkey upside down on her stomach, and my heart melted. 

 Lola was a bit tired but totally, utterly enthralled and curious as per her usual self.  She stared at the chimps as they scampered around and was interested in all of the new sights and sounds around her.

 It's too early to tell, but it seems like this little one likes flowers just like her mama!

Relaxing in Da Nang

We spent most of our days in Da Nang just relaxing in the resort.  The hotel had three restaurants on site and we ended up eating at/ordering in from all three (creatively named The Beach House, The Pool House and The Glass House).  I also took a little time to get a facia at the spa, although they really didn't do much except moisturize the heck out of my face.  Oh well, it was still relaxing!

We read a lot of books to Lola, much to her delight.

 

 

 

Vietnam was a great time to let Lola wear some of the outfits from her "resort" collection.  I particularly loved this little Liberty floral jumper from Jacadi, a 100-day present from a friend.

 

Here Lola is modeling a Calvin Klein ruffle jumpsuit.

  

















Michael's sister and brother in law sent two adorable Cat and Jack outfits, one of which Lola is modeling here:

The Beach House was probably the nicest dinner that we went to on all the nights.  We dressed Lola in a preppy Ralph Lauren polo dress and butterfly hair clip

 

Here are some pictures of the food that we sampled.  I wanted Michael's parents to have a chance to try some classic Vietnamese dishes, like grilled chicken and sticky rice, sour seafood soup, fresh spring rolls, and chicken satay skewers.  We ordered a bunch of stuff and I was overall pretty impressed with the quality and taste, especially considering it was a big resort!

 

 

We bought a bunch of fresh fruit on the first night of our arrival, and it would be safe to say that I gorged myself on many platters of fruit like this one: mangoes, wax apples, dragonfruit (red and white), honeydew melon, watermelon, passion fruit, bananas and coconuts!

Experiencing the Beach and Pool at the Hyatt Regency in Da Nang

Here are some pictures from our vacation in Da Nang.  We stayed in a three bedroom villa at the Hyatt, which was located directly on the beach.  The resort was incredibly well maintained, with manicured lawns and beautiful palm trees and plants everywhere.  I thought the villa itself was a bit run down, and the kitchen a bit worn and small, but I think my dissatisfaction mostly stemmed from our having just returned from vacationing in a brand new, meticulously organized and impeccably cleaned apartment in Japan.

Here we are, on the plane en route.  It's a short flight from Hong Kong, and Lola handled it very well.  She didn't cry at all on the flight, including through take off and landing.

 We had a nice big Mercedes car transfer, which still barely fit all of us and our luggage!

 We had some beautiful views from our villa.  Every day (except the day of our departure - how lucky we were!) was bright and sunny with beautiful blue skies.  Our villa opened directly onto this walk, which then immediately led to a sandy path to the beach and water beyond.  By opening our balcony doors, we could feel the cool breeze and hear the rustling of the palm trees along with the waves directly from our bedroom.

The Hyatt has a really nice, long, uninterrupted stretch of white sand beach.  I think it's pretty hard to find this kind of beach in Southeast Asia.  The best part is that there are no hawkers, no vendors and barely any people.  I suspect this is because there are jellyfish (or at least, there were signs warning of jellyfish) in the water.

We took Lola to the beach and to the villa swimming pool on multiple occasions during the vacation. 

 She did not like the ocean - the noise, the surf, the sand, the sun, the cold water... she let her unhappiness be known quite vocally.

 We gave it another try on another day - here she is, hot and barely tolerating her dad's ministrations.

What is this grainy cold wet feeling?  Sand on her toes and feet for the first time!

But she looked super duper cute in her dolphin rash guard (with a fin on her arm!) and pink flamingo swim diapers...

... until it really was too much.

Fed. up.

 Lola was a little more tolerant of the swimming pool, although she kept a death grip on Michael the entire time and didn't want to have more than her feet and legs submerged.  She was really brave though, willing to give it a try even though she was very nervous, and even allowed water to be splashed on her gently.  I think it was only once or twice that her mouth wobbled into a precarious pout and she came close to crying - though she ultimately managed to keep it together.  Once the pool in our building opens for the summer, we will hopefully be able to acclimate her to these sensations.