37 Weeks and Looking to the Next Chapter

Well, I made it to 37 weeks.

I didn't think I would given all the statistics I was seeing of all the twin moms having their babies at 32 or 34 weeks, but I have a wake up and then I will be walking into the operating room at Matilda hospital tomorrow morning.  The skin on my belly looks a bit like that of a burn victim - stretched so thin that it is nearly glossy and with red angry marks all across.

 I would be lying if I said I wasn't anxious.  I am definitely worried about the surgery and my imagination keeps running away from me with the worst case, most dramatic scenarios.

I am also feeling really anxious about what life will be like after the babies come out.  I was telling my friend that I wasn't sure what was worse - having twins the first time around when you have no idea what you're doing with babies and knowing you have to do it 2x simultaneously, or having them when you already have a toddler and you are trying to deal with the transition from 1 needy and emotional toddler to 1 needy and emotional toddler PLUS 2 needy and incredibly helpless newborns... with the experience of having a child already, but also with the knowledge of what raising a newborn baby entails.  When I wrote it out, however, I decided the latter was absolutely, unequivocally worse.  I have been psyching myself out to no end this week.

On the flip side, I'm so looking forward to being done also.  I've gained over 40 pounds this pregnancy, turning in my sleep has on multiple occasions caused me to feel like I have pulled a muscle in my groin due to the weight of my belly, some of the kicks from the babies SERIOUSLY hurt, and I can finally kiss the horrible GD blood trackers and insulin pens and needles goodbye (at least for 6 weeks until I go and get my oral glucose tolerance test (fingers crossed I pass)). 
 
My blood glucose numbers have been a bit wonky this week, which has left me feeling anxious and terrible.  I had a few spikes even though my doctor told me that this was the crucial week and to really be careful about it.  I don't know if it's because the pregnancy hormones are getting worse, if I should have had my insulin increased, if I'm too stressed, if I'm making poor or wrong eating choices, or if maybe my previous hacks just aren't working, but I was so disheartened to see that my final post dinner reading tonight was really high even after walking for nearly forty minutes.  I am so worried about how this will affect the babies' sugar levels tomorrow when they come out.  I am so done with the stress and guilt of this.

I think there should be approximately 125 needles in this jar, representing every single time I have injected myself for the last 6 weeks, 3 times a day, every day.  It feels amazing to throw it out.

Merry Christmas!

Hope everyone had a merry Christmas!  The twins are still in my belly and we had a very low key Christmas.

We had a nice dinner on Christmas eve:

  

Lola was so excited by the idea of Santa Claus and opening her presents that she couldn't fall asleep, woke up twice during the night, and was wide awake at 5 am insisting that she would "sit right here" (in front of the Christmas tree) and wait for Santa.

 Needless to say, we were opening presents by 6 am.

We also went to a beautiful and festive Christmas party at Maggie and Rose in the afternoon.  They did a great job with the space.  Lola really enjoyed it, even though she was quite cranky because she was too excited for her afternoon nap as well.  Are you seeing a pattern here?  Our daughter is a terrible sleeper.

 

 

 In a first, Lola was very cooperative and let a sparkly glitter tattoo be put on her forearm.  She sat solemnly unmoving through the whole thing, and only cried out in dismay after it was all on her arm when she realized she didn't quite like it.

 

 Lola met Santa and didn't cry, but we didn't try to get a picture with him.

 

In the days leading up to Christmas, Lola was wrapping up her Baumhaus Christmas music camp and playing at Maggie and Rose.

 

 She also went to the Central waterfront and wandered around, watching the giant ferris wheel (but not getting into it).  Jovie bought her a perfect little Christmas present, an ice cream truck, but Lola demanded to open it before Christmas.  And in her retelling to Elmo, Lola explained that she purchased it, at the ferris wheel, when she went shopping.

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Finally, in a completely not glamorous but extremely satisfying experience that was essentially an early Christmas gift, in the first time in years with my fraught battles with PCCW, the internet and cable provider here, I managed to get something to happen that their front office told me was impossible but which their technicians managed to set up for me in the span of half an hour.  Rather than run a 100 foot ethernet cable externally through our apartment, the technician was able to use the already installed phone lines to make the connection, such that our second router, which was previously running on wireless signals being transmitted from the main router, could be plugged directly into the port in our bedroom.  I can't even tell you how hard it was to get this accomplished.  We have been trying to do this for years, including in our previous apartment, but were always told it was not possible.

Never thought this actually stood a chance in hell of happening.

A Pregnancy Update at 36 Weeks

So!  I made it to 36 weeks. Cue hilariously unflattering bump pic:
 

Now I really do feel like a ticking bomb.  Because the first baby (the one closer to the cervix) is breech, barring any drastic changes in position, I am staring down a C section, whether scheduled (ideal) or emergency (not ideal).  We have a C section scheduled for the 28th, although it's always possible they decide to come before then.  And if the babies come before then, any spontaneous birth would be classified an emergency C.   Obviously we want to avoid that.

Compounding the pressure is the fact that Michael is deathly ill right now and racing madly to catch up on several work deadlines.  Every time he sees me awake at an odd hour or groaning as I try to get out of bed, he croaks in a panicked voice for me to take it easy and please not to have any contractions.  As if it were in my control!

I am still feeling good overall, with the only big issues being an intensified acid reflux at night or when I lie down, and my feeling like I need a crane when in bed.  Shifting positions while lying down feels downright scary, as there is a tipping point where my belly gains all of the momentum and drags the rest of my body with it, and my creaky hips and pelvis have no choice but to be wrenched into the new position.  Getting up requires creative use of my arms and hips as there is truly no room for me to lean forward.

I just had my final checkup at the public hospital this past Friday.  I've managed to put all of the bad memories of the GD drama and the inpatient debacle behind me, and these past few weeks have been meeting with an OB and an endocrinologist  that I actually quite like, in QMH's outpatient facility.  I was still relieved to be done with my final appointment, but at the same time I was able to leave feeling grateful and appreciative of the care that I received at their hands.  They are busy and bureaucratic and tell you everything on a need-to-know basis only, but I think they did a good job overall with my (outpatient) care.  Because the first baby is breech, they have basically released me to the private system, knowing that if surgery is the route I have to take I would rather do it in a private hospital.  And because my blood sugar numbers still look largely under control and satisfactory to them, they were happy to have me continue my current insulin regime until delivery.

I will instead deliver at the eye-wateringly expensive private hospital, Matilda, on the Peak, which is also where I delivered Lola.  It's difficult to get to and the room, doctor, pediatricians and anesthesiologist costs total more than 100x the cost of the public hospital (truly, I'm not exaggerating) but it is very comfortable, I would have my own private room and bathroom with balcony, Michael and the babies can stay with me whenever, it's quiet, the food is good, and I know the routine from my previous experience.  They are supposed to be a very breastfeeding friendly hospital but I know from my previous experience that breastfeeding is probably the worst part of it all for me, and I have no illusions about how arduous and challenging it will be with two.  In fact, I found going through all of my previous pumping supplies and bottles, getting things ready for their arrival, super depressing.

I've saved the biggest drama for last, though.  A week and a half ago, my private OB unexpectedly told me that she was leaving for vacation in 3 days and that she would be gone for a while - and not be present for my birth and delivery.  This was so shocking to me that I didn't know how to react during the appointment.  It also sounds like a ridiculous oversight on both her and my parts.  On my part, I just assumed that she would tell me if she was away and never thought to ask directly.  We had a relationship from my first pregnancy, she had been seeing me from the get-go on this pregnancy, and we spoke pretty freely about things - wouldn't this be the first thing she tells me as soon as she knows she has a vacation scheduled?  On her part, whether this was a deliberate or accidental omission, shame on her! An OB is an intensely personal choice - of course any doctor who is potentially your life-saving surgeon is an intensely personal choice - but I believe there is an intimacy and vulnerability, not to mention a whole process of growth, that sets the pregnant patient and OB relationship apart.  And it would have been a different matter if she had made it clear that they were a practice of OBs in which any one could replace the other.  In all of our discussions about vaginal versus C section delivery she always made it sound like she would be one there.

Anyway, I had heard of the doctor in her other practice and actually also had some interaction with her way back when, at the beginning of my pregnancy with Lola.  I don't have any terrible reviews of her, and she is very popular and generally well liked, and has been used by friends and colleagues of mine.  But there was a reason I switched from her to my current doctor originally, and I was so turned off by this whole recent turn of events, that I decided to try another private doctor in another practice.  It was a change at the 11th hour (I had my first appointment with him at 34.5 weeks and his receptionist could not contain her sputter of shock when I made my booking).  But ultimately, I decided to switch doctors.

Given that I have no relationship with either of those doctors, and no time to build one, I decided that I had to look at other factors to make my decision.  I have reason to believe that they are both competent and experienced surgeons, and no amount of comparing or agonizing is going to completely remove the risk of something going wrong in surgery.  On that front I can only hope for the best.  And usually, if I was prejudiced to pick one person over the other, I would probably pick a woman surgeon over a man, figuring better to give the benefit of the doubt to the person who had to overcome more obstacles to get to where she is today.

But I immediately loved the way the clinic of this new doctor is run - it was tidy, clean, quiet. I showed up and was seen within 15 minutes; whereas my wait time at the other clinic was up to an hour or more.  The bedside manner of this new doctor was really good, for Hong Kong - he did not hurry me, he asked me questions, he did a careful (but not lengthy) ultrasound examination.  He seemed calm and not easily perturbed or frazzled.  I felt comfortable.  With the other practice (including the new doctor which I had only had limited interaction) I felt like my answers were never directly answered - as if the the doctors had an answer but were also not that clear cut or authoritative about it.  The other practice is always a bit frenetic and this time around especially I felt like I had to keep reminding them of things that they would forget (should I re-test my blood at 28 weeks, when should I do a Group B strep testing, did I already do a whooping cough vaccination, etc.)  Unsolicited, this doctor gave me a printout of all the babies' stats and pictures; at the other clinic I never got any good ultrasound pictures to take home despite a request, and much more limited printed information on their size, weight, etc.

It's probably not an entirely fair comparison.    I'm sure this new doctor is not perfect - he wanted to make a good first impression on me and he definitely wanted my surgery fees (it's 1.6x for twins, too!) and if I had had him as my doctor for the whole time, I'm sure I would have discovered other pet peeves or had complaints. 

But honestly, I left the appointment with a feeling of great relief, and wishing that I had switched my OB months ago.  I have another appointment on Monday and then it's just keeping the fingers crossed that I make it through Christmas without the babies arriving!

Checking in with Miss Lola

Lola is as precocious and, lately, as temperamental as ever.  Recently she has been prone to throwing a temper tantrum and crying at the drop of a hat.  Michael and I looked at each other in resignation the other day at her overwrought emotions.  Poor thing, she has been feeling every little thing so strongly...I'm pretty terrified at how she will deal with having two new additions competing for attention.

Here are some recent anecdotes:

This is Not Ice Cream

Randomly, apropos of nothing, probably a month ago now, Lola was munching on the end of a baked sweet potato, and suddenly piped up in Mandarin, "Zhe shi hongshu bu shi bing qi ling!" or "This is a sweet potato not ice cream!"  Looking at the cone shaped end of the sweet potato in her hand, I can see entirely how her brain made that connection!  Good thing she still likes a sweet sweet potato (almost) as much as ice cream.

I Want "Something," "Another One," "The Other One," or "That One"

Lola has been a clear communicator from a very young age, so we often take for granted her maturity and her ability to convey her desires.  We don't often have an issue where she is frustrated and cannot express what she wants.  But it still happens and lately has been happening with more frequency.  Lately she will say "I want something," when she knows that she wants a snack but has not yet identified it, or "I want another one!" if it's not enough or something's not right with what she has, or "the other one!" if it's not the right cheese/fruit/crackers, or "that one!" (pointing vaguely in the direction of the kitchen or the bookshelf) which leaves us frantically guessing and trying to get it right before she drops to the floor and bawls her eyes out. 

We can usually get her to explain what is wrong or be more detailed about her desires, but her demands do not always follow logic or reason.  For example, one afternoon, Lola wanted crackers, which I gave to her in a small green bowl.  She dropped to the floor screaming because she wanted "the other green bowl!" So I went and retrieved her other green bowl, only for her fit to intensify because she wants "another green bowl! Not this one!" So I went and got her other small green bowl, which I think was the one she wanted, except it already had berries in it.  One look and she dropped to the floor again, sobbing.  I finally pulled out a small blue bowl and offered it to her with her crackers in it.

 Lo, all was well.

Nobody Touch!  Nobody Speak!

This command popped up right around the time of Lola's birthday, when after she opened her presents and we were trying to play with her toys too much for her liking, she suddenly shouted, "Nobody touch!" with her little arms spread out widely.  A few days after, in one of her fits when she was upset and wanted us all to be quiet because we were annoying her with our attempts at comfort, she cried out, "Nobody speak!"  W

ell, I guess no one could ever say that Lola has had qualms about making her desires known.

Mommy Goes to Work

It's very entertaining and interesting to hear what Lola has picked up when she is playing with her dolls or toys on her own.  She usually has instructions, reprimands and words of comfort at the ready.  One of the most common refrains I hear is, "Mama qu shang ban le, ta shang ban jiu hui lai le," or "Mommy has to go to work, [but] she will come back after work."  Or, "Mama qu shang ban, Lola qu shang xue!" which is "Mama goes to work, Lola goes to school!"  Lola says it in both English and Chinese and sometimes repeats it to her dolls like a comforting mantra.  I can't help but cringe a little when I hear this, although I know it's necessary and probably healthy that she can vocalize this to her dolls. 

Yi Bian... Yi Bian..., Yin Wei... Suo Yi  and Other Chinese Sentence Structures

Lola's English skills and ability has exponentially (in my opinion) jumped since the summer, when it was much more clear to me that Mandarin was her mother tongue.  Now, she will usually choose to express herself in English (especially when singing) first, and only speak in Mandarin when prompted or when she is speaking to someone whom she knows only speaks Mandarin.  But, Lola's Mandarin skills are still very impressive, in part because she has some pretty sophisticated sentence structure.  One of her favorites is "Yi bian... yi bian..." which is essentially a sentence structure that you use for describing two activities that you are doing simultaneously.  She particularly likes to use it for playing and eating or eating and reading. She also likes "Yin wei... suo yi" which is essentially a sentence for cause and effect, like "Because... so/as a result..." and she particularly likes to use it for "Because Lola is tired, so she needs to be carried." Ha ha!

The next two are probably my favorite.

Shut the Door

Last weekend, we were all playing in the living room when Lola suddenly sent Michael packing into his office.  She was absolutely insistent, practically pushing him into the room.  She said, "Daddy go to work now," and "Daddy go to work and shut the door."  We thought it was so odd because she was in a good mood and usually likes for Michael to be around to play.  When Michael asked her why, she inadvertently gave the reason - because she wanted to go to Jovie's room to play.  Lola knows that she cannot go into the kitchen, and Jovie's room is off the kitchen, so Lola's reasoning was that she would make Michael shut himself in his office so that he wouldn't see her go through the kitchen to Jovie's room.  Her only mistake?  Telling her dad her ulterior motive - otherwise, it was a very well thought out plan!

Shopping at the Club

Similarly, when we were at the American Club for dinner on Sunday night, Lola suddenly piped up with the suggestion that "Lola and Daddy will go shopping.  Mommy has babies so she cannot go."  This also struck us as odd because Lola has been super clingy to me as of late and would never voluntarily give up a chance to hang out with me, babies or not - although we have been using this excuse with her lately when she wants something that I cannot do ("Mommy has babies so cannot carry Lola," etc).

Well, we realized upon further reflection that she must have wanted me out of the way because she knew that I would prevent her from buying stuff at the club store, whereas Michael indulges her whims.  Usually they go just the two of them, and as a result Lola has amassed about four water bottles and all kinds of random and useless snacks.  The one time I went with them last time, I pulled out her pumpkin and her water bottle at the last minute so that when she went to retrieve her goodies later, she discovered they were all missing.  This must have been her ploy to get me out of the way, so she could buy and get what she wanted!  Lo and behold, as a result of dispatching me so handily, Lola sauntered up to the dinner table that night with a huge grin and a huge bag - a monster sized bottle of Sriracha hot sauce for daddy and yet ANOTHER water bottle for Lola!

Pictures of the Apartment

I realized that I never posted pictures of our new apartment after we furnished it and got everything organized.  Unfortunately it is still a work in progress because we are still getting rugs for our living area and Lola's room, but here is where we are at the moment. 

I didn't manage to get a picture of our entry foyer, the kitchen, the dining room table, the large bookshelves now crammed with picture frames and Lola's books, and the master bedroom, but I'll try to take some more pictures this weekend do a second apartment post!

For the twins' room, I'll also have a more updated post this weekend as I finally got two Stokke matching cribs, with matching sheets!  It has so far, along with 3 outfits, been the only concession I have made to having anything matching between the twins.

Looking toward the adult half of the living room - entry to Michael's office, the TV, lamp, coffee table and chaise sofa

Michael's desk

Michael's en-suite bathroom

View from Michael's office

Looking toward the kid half of the living room (play area)

Balcony and view outward from kid play area

Lola's room, though we just switched her bed around today.

Guest/kiddie bathroom

Lola's shower (eventually to be shared by the twins)

The nursery

As you can see, it is a nice and airy and very bright space - the windows in this space are just incredible.  It is a lovely place to live and I think I can comfortably speak for everyone that we are really happy with our new home.

Brunch, Working With Mommy, Nesting at 35 Weeks

Last weekend, I had a few girlfriends over to the apartment.  It was our first time having guests over!  They were really sweet and brought some cakes for my birthday, as well as some presents for the babies.

 

In a particularly cute moment, Lola insisted that she would work with me, side by side.  As you can see, we are still waiting for a chair to go with my little desk, but it has not shown up yet.  So I'm still using my bed as a stopgap measure.

 

I'm 35 weeks today (woo hoo and yikes at the same time)!

I've now eased off of everything at work and was working from home this week.  Mainly, I am now focused on trying to get life stuff in order, like ordering whatever else we think we may need for the babies, packing my hospital bag, and getting the nursery ready.  Because of course I don't know how to kick back and really relax like I'm supposed to...

I have suddenly found the energy and gumption to re-evaluate our finances and savings plans, get all the outstanding stuff sorted on our house in Brooklyn, and, lo and behold, put together our wedding photo album that only took place over four years ago.  Ha!