Well, I made it to 37 weeks.
I didn't think I would given all the statistics I was seeing of all the twin moms having their babies at 32 or 34 weeks, but I have a wake up and then I will be walking into the operating room at Matilda hospital tomorrow morning. The skin on my belly looks a bit like that of a burn victim - stretched so thin that it is nearly glossy and with red angry marks all across.
I would be lying if I said I wasn't anxious. I am definitely worried about the surgery and my imagination keeps running away from me with the worst case, most dramatic scenarios.
I am also feeling really anxious about what life will be like after the babies come out. I was telling my friend that I wasn't sure what was worse - having twins the first time around when you have no idea what you're doing with babies and knowing you have to do it 2x simultaneously, or having them when you already have a toddler and you are trying to deal with the transition from 1 needy and emotional toddler to 1 needy and emotional toddler PLUS 2 needy and incredibly helpless newborns... with the experience of having a child already, but also with the knowledge of what raising a newborn baby entails. When I wrote it out, however, I decided the latter was absolutely, unequivocally worse. I have been psyching myself out to no end this week.
On the flip side, I'm so looking forward to being done also. I've gained over 40 pounds this pregnancy, turning in my sleep has on multiple occasions caused me to feel like I have pulled a muscle in my groin due to the weight of my belly, some of the kicks from the babies SERIOUSLY hurt, and I can finally kiss the horrible GD blood trackers and insulin pens and needles goodbye (at least for 6 weeks until I go and get my oral glucose tolerance test (fingers crossed I pass)).
My blood glucose numbers have been a bit wonky this week, which has left me feeling anxious and terrible. I had a few spikes even though my doctor told me that this was the crucial week and to really be careful about it. I don't know if it's because the pregnancy hormones are getting worse, if I should have had my insulin increased, if I'm too stressed, if I'm making poor or wrong eating choices, or if maybe my previous hacks just aren't working, but I was so disheartened to see that my final post dinner reading tonight was really high even after walking for nearly forty minutes. I am so worried about how this will affect the babies' sugar levels tomorrow when they come out. I am so done with the stress and guilt of this.
I think there should be approximately 125 needles in this jar,
representing every single time I have injected myself for the last 6
weeks, 3 times a day, every day. It feels amazing to throw it out.
I didn't think I would given all the statistics I was seeing of all the twin moms having their babies at 32 or 34 weeks, but I have a wake up and then I will be walking into the operating room at Matilda hospital tomorrow morning. The skin on my belly looks a bit like that of a burn victim - stretched so thin that it is nearly glossy and with red angry marks all across.
I am also feeling really anxious about what life will be like after the babies come out. I was telling my friend that I wasn't sure what was worse - having twins the first time around when you have no idea what you're doing with babies and knowing you have to do it 2x simultaneously, or having them when you already have a toddler and you are trying to deal with the transition from 1 needy and emotional toddler to 1 needy and emotional toddler PLUS 2 needy and incredibly helpless newborns... with the experience of having a child already, but also with the knowledge of what raising a newborn baby entails. When I wrote it out, however, I decided the latter was absolutely, unequivocally worse. I have been psyching myself out to no end this week.
On the flip side, I'm so looking forward to being done also. I've gained over 40 pounds this pregnancy, turning in my sleep has on multiple occasions caused me to feel like I have pulled a muscle in my groin due to the weight of my belly, some of the kicks from the babies SERIOUSLY hurt, and I can finally kiss the horrible GD blood trackers and insulin pens and needles goodbye (at least for 6 weeks until I go and get my oral glucose tolerance test (fingers crossed I pass)).
My blood glucose numbers have been a bit wonky this week, which has left me feeling anxious and terrible. I had a few spikes even though my doctor told me that this was the crucial week and to really be careful about it. I don't know if it's because the pregnancy hormones are getting worse, if I should have had my insulin increased, if I'm too stressed, if I'm making poor or wrong eating choices, or if maybe my previous hacks just aren't working, but I was so disheartened to see that my final post dinner reading tonight was really high even after walking for nearly forty minutes. I am so worried about how this will affect the babies' sugar levels tomorrow when they come out. I am so done with the stress and guilt of this.
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