The Twins Are Here!

...and have been for a week!

The boys (two boys, I'm not sure if I ever said on the blog) arrived in the morning of December 28 as scheduled, at Matilda Hospital, weighing 2.54kg and 2.46kg, respectively.

Hello world!!

I've had this blog post drafted since the day before New Year's Eve but didn't want to post without official names.  However, as we still do not have a full set of names that we can officially broadcast (that's right, still! More than a week after their birth!) I will be posting those later.  That's about all I'm going to say on that subject because Michael's inability to make decisions or do anything NOT at the last minute will just send me into a swirling red mist of anger (like it did last night, leading to feverish dreams and lots of tossing and turning) that is probably not good for me.

The whole C-section procedure was very organized and sterile compared to my birth experience with Lola, but it was also nice in its own way - to go in at a set time, methodically have the doctors introduce and explain each step of the way what was happening, and then to have it all occur according to what they said.  Here we are dressed in scrubs before we head down to the operating theater.  I was nervous but also really looking forward to being pregnant no longer.


I really loved my OB and my anesthesiologist and thought they did an amazing job - they were competent, reassuring, relaxed but also serious and professional.  Both Michael and I felt to be in good hands.  In addition to the OB and anesthesiologist, we had two pediatricians, a bunch of nurses, and the anesthesiologist's assistant.   Before the C section started everyone was joking around to keep the atmosphere light and happy and I discovered that my OB has twin boys, and one of my pediatricians has twin girls! For some reason I found this information very reassuring and sweet.

I got a spinal right before the procedure, which was a little bit nerve-wracking because I couldn't help but picture a needle going into my spine - but I knew I had had this done before with an even bigger needle with an epidural, and I had had so much blood drawn during this pregnancy that I knew I just had to breathe and ignore it.  It was a sensation like "a bee sting," then a "bunch of bee stings," then a "cat scratch" just as my anesthesiologist was calmly describing - and then I felt warm and tingly sensations up and down my legs, starting more on my left side, and then suddenly I was warm and could not really lift my legs.  It was the weirdest feeling in that I could feel touch, and tugging, but no pain from any of the incisions or cuts.  The anesthesiologist was also by my shoulder looking over the curtain and telling us what was happening, but sparing us the more graphic visuals.

Then, ten minutes in, the first baby was out, and then, two minutes after that, the second baby was out.  And we had two more babies in one go!  Our nuclear family has grown from 3 to 5 just like that.  When they first came out, they looked almost exactly the same, leading us to wonder if they were identical.  Then we thought maybe they were fraternal and we just had not yet grown accustomed to the individual details that make up every newborn's features. 

 But now that they've been out for a bit, I am 98% convinced they are identical.  Michael and I concur, if they are not identical, then they are fraternal brothers that look uncannily alike.  We had a slight moment of panic when we got home - one of my confinement ladies cut off their hospital tags and she mixed them up.  For now we are slowly identifying individual features but, just in case, have kept on twin 1's band aid on his hand, and also given him a small bracelet.

Snuggling:

 

Twin 1 had to go into the ICU due to trouble breathing, from a bit of a wet lung issue.  Twin 1 was out of ICU after 24 hours, though, and everything looked good and clear.  Twin 2, though smaller, was able to go straight into the nursery with no trouble.  My milk came in on the third day (ouch, just as awful and painful as I remembered from last time) but since then it has (knock wood, fingers crossed) been really good and as smooth as I could have hoped for.

The midwives at Matilda are truly amazing - they will spend up to an hour or more with you, in your personal room, helping you with feeding and latching and any other issues that you have, one on one.  Before my milk came in, they would come in and hand express my colustrum for me into syringes so that they could bring it into the nursery and ICU for the babies.  That is hard work!  There is one midwife in particular who I will not easily forget, because she had the strongest fingers of anyone I have ever encountered.  She should be a rock climber, her finger strength was that phenomenal.  I hated her with the fire of a thousand suns because she relentlessly went to work on all of my lumps - but I was also so grateful for her because I felt so much better afterwards.  But I went through that three (three!) times with her - once every three hours all through the night.  I deserve a medal.  For the male readers, I imagine it's how it would feel if someone used a baseball bat to massage your gonads.

I spent New Year's Eve at the hospital, but thankfully Michael and Lola and Jovie and Lyn came and threw me a little party in the hospital room, with pasta, pizza, and champagne (that was mostly for them though).  It felt so nice.  The weather was a bit unpredictable on the Peak the days I was in the hospital - on lots of days the view was this:
 
While occasionally the rain/fog/clouds parted to reveal this:


A huge part of the reason I wanted to avoid a C-section was my fear of complications from the surgery and the post-recovery process.  However, I have been really lucky in that I was able to walk by the second morning, was only on basic painkillers and anti-inflammatory pills, and since coming home have really not had any major discomfort and am already completely off any pain medication.  My stitches are absorbable and should eventually go away.  I do have to wear a binder, which is meant to help give my lower back and stomach support, as well as to help my uterus contract.  My postpartum belly is so much bigger this time than last, which is depressing but to be expected because I had twins.  I reassure myself that it took a very long time to get my stomach and uterus that big - it should take a while for it to contract.  I was carrying a lot of life and equipment in there!


During my hospital stay, I was ambitious and trying to learn how to tandem feed.  But because I have help, and at the suggestion of a kind senior midwife who I swear performs breastfeeding miracles (she was the only one who managed to get both boys latched perfectly and feeding at the same time), since coming home I have been taking turns feeding them one by one, which is much more manageable.  I now have a really cozy little corner in my bedroom with a beautiful linen rocking chair, about six (no joke) pillows, a nightstand for all my breastfeeding necessities, and a desk and chair for when I am pumping.

I didn't realize how much I struggled and was scarred by the whole fourth trimester experience with Lola until this second time around.  While the boys are small, much smaller than their sister was at birth, they have managed to latch well on both sides and suck for 15-30 minutes in one go, and their breastfeeding abilities have only improved over the course of this past week.  I am so happy.  I remember one (one!) instance of a beautiful, perfect feed with Lola in the first month and a half when I was still trying to direct feed her.  I've already had multiple instances of those with the boys and it has been amazing to bask in the moments of pure, piercing joy feeding them directly while peacefully cuddling them in my embrace.

Of course, this is also likely due to the fact that I was so focused on my pumping output the last pregnancy - to the point where I was obsessively tracking the amount of milk I was pumping at every feed.  This time, I barely notice how much I pump and the only thing I write down is the time at which I last fed (and which baby on which breast).  The other thing that has made all of the difference this time around is that I have 24 hours help around the clock. Our staffing situation is a bit ridiculous at this point, but I am so grateful.  My mental state has been so much better and more relaxed this time around and to my shock I find I have been able to enjoy and savor this time.

Lola has been so receptive to her brothers - much more so than I could have ever hoped.  This was another one of my biggest post-pregnancy fears.  But Lola is such a sweet and gentle kid, and so perceptive and understanding.  I was worried she would cry or want to feed or revert to wanting a bottle or being held - all kinds of regressive behavior that people warned us about - but really, she has been adjusting very well.  Sometimes she is a bit emotional and cries because she wants to spend more time with me, but that is to be expected and I try to squeeze in at least 30 minutes in the morning with her one on one, and then to have dinner together with her.  She runs into the brothers' room and shouts, "Hello brothers!" and sometimes pops up on her little stool by their crib to peer in and wave hello or good night.  She has already started including the brothers in her conversations, such as, "I want EVERYbody to come with me, mommy and daddy and Tita and auntie and ye ye and po po and tai po and BROTHERS!"  So that has been really delightful.

I've written a novella here, but my final bit is on my gestational diabetes saga.  Of course it does not end until I take the test in approximately 5 weeks' time (I'm so nervous) but for now, it has been such a relief to eat what I want when I want.  It's a freedom I will never take for granted again!  

I overdid it on my very first night in the hospital - I ordered Michael a cheeseburger with fries and chips, and lamb chops and a baked potato for myself - perhaps a wee bit excessive given I had just gone into surgery approximately 10 hours prior!  I could barely choke down any of the lamb and so went for the bread, fries and chips instead.  My blood sugar was a whopping 10.8!  I had a sheepish conversation with my OB the next morning where I realized that perhaps the hormones from the placenta don't leave your body *quite* so quickly after birth.  Since coming home, I often catch myself at random moments worrying about serving size and how to eat the desired food - until I realize I do not have to worry!  On one of the first mornings home I ate all of the leftover pieces of Lola's pancake drizzled in honey (when I ate one little piece while pregnant, my blood sugar went over 7.3)! I sighed in pleasure.  It has been so amazing to eat an entire bowl of grapes.  And today Lola came home with an egg waffle from Maggie and Rose and I looked at it with such longing until I realized I could eat it!  Heck yeah!