Allison Abroad: A Tribute to Papa Z

I am heartsick to report that Michael's dad passed away unexpectedly last Friday. The speed of it all has been utterly astonishing and horrific. Life is so short and everything can change in a breathtaking instant. Needless to say, it has been such a rough and awful time for us, but especially for Michael, his siblings, and his mom. I am so sorry. I feel so sorry that this happened to this man who was so central to his family, who was a voice of reason in so many situations, who had gravitas (and grumpiness) in great measure -- but also grace and goodwill, and who was such a dedicated grandpa, father, and father in law.

He welcomed and loved me, all of me, from the first. Michael's family has always been receptive and kind to me, but I felt most of that love from Bob's (and Sue's) unconditional loyalty and faith in me. He was proud of me and proud to know me and was unwavering in his love for me, from the very beginning. He was one of the most enthusiastic readers and champions of my blog. He bought me sulfate- and chemical-free shampoo and conditioner because I blogged about my psoriasis and the challenges I felt (at the time, how little my concerns then pale in comparison to those I feel now!!!!) trying to control that. He really made me feel welcomed, and loved, and accepted.

I will never forget, and will never cease to crow in delight over, his admonition to me that if Michael and I were ever to get divorced, I should go to him for advice, and that he would absolutely represent me and my best interests over his "no-good son." As Michael confided to me in a mixture of desolation and admiration a night or two ago (I lose track), his dad just took endless delight in me.

I take comfort during this really difficult time in the fact that Bob lived a supremely full and capable life - nine children! seventeen grandchildren! a fulfilling career! love of the Outer Banks in North Carolina! and that he has left his indelible mark on all of his family, not only through his character and behavior but also through his trademark gap-toothed smile and earnestness, intelligence and kindness, no better evidenced than through his children and grandchildren. To look at little Wes, Hank, Al and Teo, is to see Bob. The Papa Z genes are strong.

I was going through my pictures for a slideshow that we put together for the family, and I found these, all of which were previously documented on this (amazing, lovely, awesome) blog. We had some really good times. We had the benefit of Bob and Sue coming out to Hong Kong and Thailand to visit us, and then to Hong Kong again when Lola was born (and Vietnam also). They were also of course part of our wedding, and also got to come to my sister's wedding. I am very grateful.

I am also of so many emotions, generally. We just put Michael on a plane this afternoon for a flight tonight, headed to JFK. It's his first flight in nearly two years, as the last time he was on a plane was returning from JFK after a summer spent in New York after my sister's wedding, in 2019 (see picture above). Insanity.

At times, it feels like so much time has passed, and so many things have happened, and so much living has occurred, since that time. Yet at the same time, it feels like like no time has passed at all, that we have all been living our lives in limbo, half asleep, just trying to endure and wait it out until the pandemic is over and we can have our "normal" lives back. I know it's probably a different situation in the U.S. where vaccine take up has been high. It has not been the case here in Hong Kong. I think this has contributed greatly to the fear, shock and disbelief of the horrible news about Michael's dad. It just all seems surreal and it is so hard to accept.

I feel very vulnerable with Michael gone, honestly. It is such a weird and surreal and challenging time.

Without Michael here, or any of our family, and with the fact that none of our family can just pop into Hong Kong to help in a time of need (Hong Kong rules are incredibly strict, and there are so many protocols and quarantine procedures in place) I don't really know how I feel about it all. I can only say that I am trying my best to be strong, to undertake what is honestly a superhuman challenge, and to remain strong despite it all. I wish I could record a day in my life and beam it out to everyone. It's not to say that I'm miserable or that I'm not proud of what I've been able to accomplish, but sometimes it's just laughable how insane my life is. You have to laugh or else you'd cry. I also have a lot on my mind in general, what with Lola being super anxious about her father leaving, the death of her Papa, and stressors that she is already feeling at school (this ridiculous and godforsaken system here... I am so done with it). The silver lining to this gray cloud is that I am skinnier than I have ever been, except for when I got married. I am below my pre-pregnancy weight! Craziness.

But what has been incredibly reassuring and, for lack of a better word, heartwarming, is how much our friends have graciously stepped up to help. Whether it be offering babysitting, food, playdates, or any kind of support. Our helpers have also been so amazing, constantly watching out for us and trying to make sure we have enough food, sleep, rest. It gives me hope that humanity is still kind, and we can make our way through all of this together.

Life has been throwing me a real curveball this year (maybe this past year and a half?). I am being tasked with a huge step up in responsibility on the work front, which is already a crazy demanding and challenging place... while also grappling with what it means to be the mother of, and responsible for, three little bright and beautiful souls who are so innocent, so independent, but also so very very needy. And I also already suffer from the problem of wanting to be everything to everyone... not great. It has mostly been a marathon of endurance, perseverance and grace in the face of adversity.

Alas. On to brighter things.

Here are some adorable pictures of the kids and all of us at the airport today, which, despite the heartbreaking circumstances that brought us there, allowed us to find delight and joy and happiness in being all together, trying to enjoy and partake in the adventure together. And if life is not about being able to find the sweetness in the bitterness, and if having kids is not about forcing you to find the beautiful in the mundane no matter how stressful or disappointing the circumstances, then what are we living for?

Where the boys discover suitcases (and what comfortable seats they make):

High fives all around! Michael and Al.

The kids encountering the check in counter. Lola loved the belt for the baggage and got a huge kick out of the suitcase heading to New York on its moving belt.

I think we definitively established that sitting on a suitcase is fun. Lola also made some great baggage claim tags, mostly labeled with scribbles and the word "DAD."

The airport was really empty. This place has been something else, what with the protests happening for so long, followed by the pandemic. Being in the airport felt incredibly familiar yet at the same time incredibly surreal.

At least the kids enjoyed themselves. They loved the endless adventure of seats, conveyor belts, all kinds of tag belts and lines, elevators, glass windows overlooking buses and airplanes, etc. I am so glad they got the chance to experience it, even if it was in the context of saying goodbye to their dad and their Papa.