The Longest Week Ever

I have been struggling this week to feel enthused, energetic or excited about much.  We had Monday off this week and it's only Thursday night but it already feels like the longest week ever.  I am slated to go to London on Sunday for a fancy celebratory signing dinner for my deal, but now I kind of regret saying that I would attend.  It seems like a horribly long way to go for just a couple of days, and will I just be stuck in the office??

I have found everything to be kind of exhausting and just a chore.  It's weird, even the simplest life tasks - emails, responses, phone calls, paper filing, bill checking - not to mention tougher work stuff, like an impossibly frustrating and complicated implementation agreement, and seemingly endless queries and demands from clients - have all felt terribly difficult and I cannot be bothered.  

I did a most uncharacteristic thing at work two nights ago - I managed to lose nearly 2 hours' worth of work on an issues chart.  I was saving it all along, but I have no idea to where I was saving it -  maybe a temporary file or folder - and it could not be recovered.  When I went to attach the document... and couldn't find it.... I felt my whole face go hot.  I don't think I have ever done that before and it's saying something that it first happened at 7:40 at night this week.

I'm not sure if I'm just tired from pregnancy, or burnt out from work, or just in need of a good vacation?  

Making this all a little bit more difficult is just how tough I have found gestational diabetes.  It's okay to eat healthy but this has required me to be healthy 100% of the time and I'm only in week 25.  I really, really hope I do not have type 2 diabetes after pregnancy.  I am not sure I can handle it.  I thought I was doing so well, eating a ton of protein and vegetables and really limiting my carbs, and skipping all sugar, honey and sweets - but I went to a check up today and my OB was a little bit dissatisfied with my fasting sugar levels in the morning.  She said they were a bit high and ideally should be below 5 (mine all hover around 5.5-ish).  It's really disheartening, especially because I feel like my diet is already SO regimented and boring.  

Today, when I was hungry before lunch, what did I have as a snack?  A kale, bean, quinoa and tomato soup.  When I was hungry after lunch, what did I have as a snack?  A second salad of mixed corn, Caesar salad, eggplant, and beetroot.  I mean... a warm chewy chocolate chip cookie sounds like heaven to me right now.

I thought I loved and missed wine, but now I know for a fact that I can give up alcohol but I cannot give up fruit.  I miss fruit so much.  How sad is it that I can't have fruit??  I have to ration it - I count out five grapes, or try to pair a kiwi with yogurt in the hopes that the protein offsets the sugar.  ::Insert all the teary eyed emoji faces::  I still have a while to go.

 Of course, to brighten the dark, every morning and evening Lola greets me with such boundless joy and happiness that it makes up for a lot.  Every morning she comes banging into our bedroom, flinging the door open and scampering in and shouting, "Mommy wake up!" in Chinese.  She is SO excited to see me when I return from work that her entire body vibrates and she literally jumps up and down.  Today, she hopped multiple times while shrieking when I appeared from the elevator.  That is a pretty amazing homecoming, I cannot deny.